“‘To floss or not to floss? Study says benefits unproven,'” I read outloud to James. “See, I knew flossing was bullshit.”
“It does seem like they should have checked into whether that worked or not, sometime in the last 100 years,” Jim agreed.
“I’ve never flossed. It’s been 40 years, my teeth are fine,” I said. “But every time you go in, the dentists are always like, ‘OMG, you have to floss. Your mouth will explode and the world will burn down!'”
“Welllllll,” Jim said, glancing over at me from his phone, where he was reading the news.
“What?” I raised an eyebrow.
“What’s he got to do with it?”
“You said they said the world would burn down,” Jim pointed out.
“I did say that.” I nodded gravely.
“And don’t you have two cracked teeth?” Jim asked.
“Holy crap,” I said, appalled. “I do!”
“It’s a conspiracy,” Jim announced, nodding sagely.
So there you have it, folks. Donald Trump’s presidential run and my two cracked teeth are a flossing-related conspiracy planned by the American Dental Association.