I’m home! We got into Corvallis Sunday evening, about six-thirty or so, and had a celebratory dinner at this great little pasta place called Pastini. It’s a local chain, and it’s full of yummy, yummy pasta. It was a great way to finish off a long road trip.
The road trip itself was lots of fun, despite the fact I was driving like it was a mission. (The movers were scheduled to show up bright and early Monday morning — more on that in a moment.) I drove eight or nine hours a day, averaging about 450 miles a day. Also, we averaged around 400 miles per tank of gas (it’d be higher, I think, but mountain-driving takes more gas). I mention this because Jim claims he gets Man Points for keeping track of that kind of thing, and he’s trying to get enough points to trade in for the leatherman. I should also mention that Jim offered to drive, but I like driving, and wanted the bragging rights for driving the whole way. Also, I suck at navigating.
Let’s see — Indiana was brief. We just skirted through that state, so it hardly counts. The I-80 route went around Chicago, so we didn’t have to deal with that at all. Yay! I’ve driven through rush-hour traffic in Chicago but the once, and that was enough for a lifetime, thanks. Otherwise, Illinois pretty much looks like Michigan, so nothing too remarkable there. Iowa was next, and it was just eerie. There’s nothing in Iowa. Just miles and miles of green, rolling hills, with no signs of actual life, not even, like, fences or anything. We finally determined that the few houses and bitty little one-stop towns we saw were actually Hollywood stage towns, and the few people were actors. We determined that no one actually lives in Iowa, it’s just a big GOP conspiracy to get more votes.
After Iowa was Nebraska, which is another state chock full of nothing. Seriously. And be careful getting off the highway for a gas stop or anything, because you may see one of those blue services signs which claims there’s a gas station, but the actual gas station may not be anywhere near the damn exit. That happened to us once, and we drove down some lonely Nebraska road until I started hearing banjo music, at which point I turned the fuck around and got out of the state. I mean, I’m from northern Michigan. When I start hearing banjo music, you are well and truly out in the Boonies. Wyoming was much the same, but more so. Miles and miles of wide-open empty landscape. Although, we can prove Wyoming actually exists. We drove through it, it’s there.
The driving was pretty through those states, although Iowa’s green hills did get monotonous, as did Nebraska once you got used to the desert scrub. Much of Wyoming was tedious, too, until you get to the western edge, where the foothills and mountains start. Then, suddenly, you’re in cowboy country, and it’s strikingly pretty. We also found prairie dogs guarding their burrows at one of the rest stops, and what’s not to love about that?
Utah presented a bit of a quandary for me. We zipped through the upper corner on I-84, and the driving was just beautiful — mountains all the way. However, Utah is full of Mormons and Republicans and Republican Mormons, and we were trying really hard not to get burned at the stake on the road trip. So, I went to get dressed that morning, and had a terrible time picking out clothes, as all of my t-shirts would have been at least mildly offensive. By way of example, I had my Lunch Money t-shirt — the Humiliation card, which reads: “Jesus Hates You and So Do I”. Probably not the best shirt to wear in Mormon Country, right? One of the others reads “I’m Out of Aspirin, Please Shut the Fuck Up”. I did finally come up with an Amber quote t-shirt, which I figured probably wouldn’t get me lynched.
The next day we zipped through Idaho, and there is absolutely nothing in Idaho. No, for real. Fill up on gas, get munchies and pops or whatever you need before heading in, because there are no stops. At all. Anywhere. Until Boise. Not kidding. Also, possible dust storms. Still not kidding. And, we didn’t see any potatoes. Oregon is simply gorgeous. We drove around the eastern and northern edge of the state in 84, down through the Columbia River Gorge. We zipped around Portland, and then down I-5 to Corvallis, a lovely little drive, and we were home!
We got up bright and early Monday morning to go get our apartment keys and greet the movers … who never showed up. I finally called them, only to discover the truck had been delayed because a last-minute pick-up had been scheduled, and the driver had just neglected to inform anyone. Nice. So, we got up at Jesus-thirty for no good reason. But, my stuff will be here Thursday, and that’s not so bad, all told. In the meantime, we’re camping out at the new apartment. We’d planned on staying in Jim’s old apartment, but someone complained about the dog, despite our having permission to have her there, so we figured it would just be less trouble to be at the new place, where no one would be complaining.
I do have a bunch of pictures to put up, but I think that will have to wait until I go over to Jim’s apartment, or we get our internet hooked up here. I’m currently “borrowing” someone’s unsecured internet connection, and I don’t have enough signal for uploading pictures. Ah well. We’re still making today’s plan of attack, but it may involve scouting for odds and ends for the apartment, as well as an oil change and whatnot for the Yarr-is. Pictures soon!
Jim and I have determined that you call people from Wyoming “Wyomers”. That must be right — it’s proper conjugation. At any rate, yesterday saw us through Nebraska, and to a neat little motel run by the cutest little old Asian lady ever. (Korean, apparently — Jim saw her with a Korean/American phrase book.)
There’s not much to say about Nebraska, really. The eastern half of the state is pretty blah. Corn and cows and minor hills … and a whole hell of a lot of sky. Iowa had that too. I think it’s just because there’s not much getting in the way of the view. Michigan’s all clogged up with trees, so we don’t get that expansive view of the sky, like they do in Nebraska and Iowa.
At the very western edge of the state, the country abruptly turns cowboy on you, and suddenly, instead of cornfields, it’s all ranches and cows and horses ranging everywhere, and the scenery goes from green-yellow with prairie grass and black-eyed susans along the edge to all brown, with lots of bluffs and cliffs and steep, rolling hills. It doesn’t quite work up to real mountains, but it tries hard.
Also, Nebraska and Iowa? Very windy. Like, pain in the ass windy. It’s blowing my little Yarrr-is around a bit. Makes driving fun, particularly when passing semis. Although the fields of gigantic industrial windmills are pretty cool to see. Kind of ominous, really, all of them facing the same way, blades slowly turning … like they’re standing watch.
Oh! And a word to the wise about Nebraska — careful getting off I-80 through there. Just because the road signs say there’s a gas station or a something off the exit, doesn’t mean that the actual gas station or whatever is actually anywhere within 50 miles of the exit. And if it is, it’s the only damn thing within sight.
We found that out by pulling off to find a place for lunch. We drove and drove and drove and drove … and finally got a bit nervous and turned around. Actually, we probably only went about ten miles or so, but still.
And now, we’ve had our breakfast at a Shari’s (with Wi-Fi) just down from our motel (which did not have Wi-Fi), and we’re ready to take off for the day. We’re considering a detour to see the dinosaur graveyard a bit north and west of here, and if we do that, I’ll get pictures for everyone!
We made it through Iowa yesterday — four hundred some-odd miles, and about eight hours of driving. It wasn’t bad — we hit a nasty storm in the afternoon, and I actually had to pull over on the side of I-80 for awhile. 
The storm itself would probably have been drivable, if it hadn’t been for all the blow-back off the semis. Other than that, there’s not much to report for Iowa. The driving is pretty enough, with all the hills, but it gets hypnotizing after awhile. There’s just nothing but hills and corn, seriously. You get excited when you see some trees.
We did spot a hotel, Days Inn, I think, square in the middle of a cornfield. No, really. There was no exit off I-80 to get to the hotel, and what looked like a dirt access road going by it, but other than that, it was smack in the middle of a cornfield. No real lawn or anything, just corn. It was bizarre. Jim and I finally decided that the farmer’s cornfield must be so goddamn huge that he had to have a hotel at one end. We also saw a barn-stormer, some guy in a bitty prop plane swooping and diving and rolling over the hills. That was pretty neat.
Also, a note to the Iowa-Illinois border people around I-80: Guys, you should put some sort of scenic pull-off there by the Mississippi. I’d have liked to stop and have a look when we drove by, but all the exits there went on to other highways. There was no place to stop and sight-see. Poor planning, I think. I mean, I-80′s a major through-fare, and travelers would probably like to stop and gawk. Just saying.
So far this trip, going by the doggy “if I piddle on it, I own it” rules, Jazz owns my brother’s barn, my Mom’s rug, a rest stop near Lansing, MI, one in Illinois, a Super8 in Morris, IL, a couple of rest stops in Iowa, a Casey’s General store in Adair, IO, and a Quality Inn here in Lincoln. We’ll keep you posted on that.
Oh, and Colbert’s I Am America (And You Can Too!) was pretty good. We listened to it on CD the last couple of days. We may try Lewis Black’s new one, today.
(Psst! The pic is from Jim — a shot he snapped in Iowa. He made the poster for me last night. 
Click to enlarge!)
I picked my Jim up from the local airport this past Friday morning, and commenced a fantastic weekend of going-away parties. Friday night, we had Indian food with Clay and Melisa, and Saturday, my parents threw me a fantastic going-away party. Sunday evening, the crew from the Texan (The Restaurant Where I Worked) threw me a going-away party which devolved into a whip cream fight. We had a blast! Monday, we stopped out and saw my brother’s family, and then had dinner with my folks, then went out to coffee with Clay, Melisa, and Mike. Then we went home and finished packing. Heh.
The movers showed up at Jesus-thirty AM, and had all my stuff loaded by about twelve. Jim and I ran a few last-minute errands, and then rode off into the sunset.
Well, drove. And we went east to start with, down I-75, to 69, to 94, which turned into I-80 without any interference from us, of which I approve.
Jazz was deeply irate with the movers, as Jim and I had allowed strange people into the apartment to steal all her stuff. As if that weren’t indignity enough, we then stuffed her into the Yarr-is, and drove off with her. She was spastic about half the day, and finally started settling down after about an hour of driving. Since then, she’s been abnormally well-behaved. I attribute this to exhaustion. Heh.
We drove until early evening, finally arriving — without incident — in Morris, Illinois, were we got a room at a nice SuperMotel8. It’s a smoking room, pet-friendly, and has free Wi-Fi, so the day has pretty much been a win all the way around. Jim and I are piddling about on our laptops while Jazz lies comatose behind me on the bed. It’s been a great day.
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