Saturday, March 4, 2017, 11:07am

Did Trump have a bad dream this morning or something?

Trump's Twitter storm, 3-4-17

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is grab my phone to see what’s up. This has been part of my morning ritual since I first got a smartphone. I live on the west coast, so there’s at least three hours worth of interesting stuff to catch up on when I first wake up.

Just lately it’s been more “appalling” than “interesting,” true, but still it’s stuff a rabid news junkie like me doesn’t want to miss out on.

So this morning I wake up, sit up blearily, and snag my phone off the bed stand. The dog wanders up the bed to cuddle next to me as I rub my eyes and try to make them focus on the bright white Twitter stream glaring up from my screen. I blink, wipe the sleepboogers out of my eyes, and squint down. I’m not sure what’s going on yet, but Twitter’s all het up about something.

FISA? Obama? Court orders? What?

It’s this:

So, near as I can figure, Trump woke up out of a sound sleep, sweating and shaking from a nightmare where Obama, armed with razor-sharp court orders, attacked him and read his text messages. Not being of sound enough mind to differentiate dreams from reality – as is so obviously the problem with Trump – our president immediately tweeted about Obama’s terrifying attack.

And also about the Russian ambassador, because Trump does not appear to grok the difference between meeting in secret to plan things Americans would generally not approve of with Russian agents and then lying about it, and standard-issue government meetings, photo ops, and workshops.

He then dozed off for a bit, only to snort awake about twenty minutes later and add a thing about Arnold Schwarzenegger and The Apprentice.

I dunno, guys. I’m being funny about it, but the fact is this dude doesn’t sleep, and that’s not good for you. I grab my phone first thing when I wake up, too, but I have a very strict rule about not tweeting anything until I’m awake enough for my eyes to focus without causing a headache. The president should probably have that rule, too.

Anyway, a few things.

If there was a FISA court order to have Trump’s phones tapped, a thing there’s no particular evidence for, then that would mean that the Department of Justice had presented proof of Donald Trump being a foreign agent to a FISA court. That’s how you get that warrant.

Also, Obama issued a statement a bit ago saying that all that was BS. “A cardinal rule of the Obama administration was that no White House official ever interfered with any independent investigation led by the Department of Justice. As part of that practice, neither President Obama nor any White House official ever ordered surveillance on any US citizen. Any suggestion otherwise is simply false,” said Obama spokesman Kevin Lewis.

Guys, I’m not even through my first cup of coffee yet.

But wait, where do I comment? No comments, sorry. Talk to me on Facebook or Twitter, instead.

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